Welcome to middle age...... A time where we are still ready, willing and able, but nobody, including ourselves, is interested or cares!!
Let me start with...... WEIGHT..... Just looking at the word gives me panic sweat!! The W word has ALWAYS been an issue for me. As a kid I was underWEIGHT, just one look at old pictures of me and you realize that my best opportunity for a career as a supermodel was when I was 8!! I had the hollow cheeks and bony physique of Kate Moss! If I'd ONLY known!! I look at those pictures and think of the unrealized possibilities! "I coulda been a contendah"!! I was so skinny that I had to put a pillow between my bony knees so I could sleep!! But like many things, it all went to hell as I grew older.
First there was puberty.... WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??? You go to bed this wonderful, adorable, precious little girl and wake up CHUBBY, bloated, with body odor, greasy skin and equally greasy hair!! Oh and your hormones are on overdrive....... Pass through that and life levels out.... for awhile!!!
Then one night you go to bed this wonderful, adorable precious 40-something and wake up, CHUBBY, bloated with body odor (is that the smell of impending doom?), dry skin and equally dry hair....oh and yeah, almost forgot........ DRY SKIN!!!! Middle aged women YOU KNOW what I mean!!!! And hormones??? They are up, down, non-existent!! Part of the fun are the hot flashes..... the redness, the sweating. LORD KNOWS you try to appreciate the sweat because you could use the moisturizer, but you know that in a few minutes your hair and clothes will look like you just ran 5 miles and you'll go from fanning yourself to looking for your sweater!! Not to mention that now you have to change your shirt. This is when you may look back fondly on your 20's.... remember how you kept a change of clothes in your glove box to "freshen up" or in case you stayed out too late and had to go straight to work/class??? This is NOT the same thing!!
Other pitfalls of middle age??? I haven't got the time or the room to list them all in this blog, so let me get to the reason I'm writing this..... WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY METABOLISM????? I know I had one, I vaguely remember it (not that I remember much thanks to Menopausal Memory... we'll discuss THAT later). My friend Judy and I were talking the other day.... If we ate then like we do now, we would've been STICKS... on the other hand if we ate now like we did then, well..... the thought is too frightening!!
I workout, I eat relatively well and I try to limit myself to one glass of wine a night (Weekends NOT included). All in all I should be a "50 is the new 30", instead I am a "54 is the same old 54"!! All that working out, dieting, firming cream, etc. has done is left me tired, hungry and broke! Still I stay optimistic that the next diet, the next workout routine the NEXT CREAM will suddenly transform me into the "new 30"!! Maybe it's from growing up in the '60's! I was too young to really enjoy the '60s but the "good vibes" from the teenage crowd spilled over to my generation..... we had all the benefits without the work. I can still visualize a brighter future, happy children, free love (what the hell, now I can afford to PAY for it), someone wanting to buy the world a Coke! Yes, I think this time my efforts will pay off, in fact I think I look better already!! Yes, I'm sure of it!! Oh, wait, I don't have my bifocals on..... Crap... Never mind!
No comments:
Post a Comment